Oct. 26 - Owning Up (taming that wild ego in the mix)

About my recent 'musings' ... I'm having a good, solid (and fruitful) "go" at owning my story and shifting perspective. Diligently catching myself in some patterns and choosing thought and action in order to SHIFT. It really is going quite nicely.


Alas ... there are times when the overactive and sneaky ego takes hold! (f-ing ego!! wink and smile) You'll know you're in one of these ego modes when you're looking to avoid, blame, be invisible, defend, defend, defend. (you get the idea)

They are squirmy times, indeed.

I found that instead of acting out of this uncomfortable state (essentially picking a fight ... because that is the likely outcome) I sat through it. I looked inward a bit deeper. I sought to understand myself and the origins of my "story." And, again ... I saw clearer the role I TAKE in how things play out.

Listen ... I'm not going to say that those significant others in our lives don't play any role in what we experience. But, truly ... we only have control over ourselves, our take on things, our thoughts, our actions. So, I'm starting from there. (To quote MJ ... I'm starting with the (wo)man in the mirror. wink)

Now, back to the above. By taking time to OWN even more of what I'm thinking, doing and experiencing in my day-to-day (well, really regarding my "challenge" topics) ... I'm finding the healing I seek. And, my ego isn't running away with the show anymore ... isn't sabotaging that which I'm working toward.

Get specific?!

OK. Let's parcel out my "can't make my career happen" story a bit.
Oh, and, let's choose the oh-so-loaded and fun (insert healthy sarcasm here) aspect of money as it relates to my story. I cannot tell you just how many times in the last couple years my thoughts went to the "I have no money" place ... how often they still do. How many times I would struggle over the "I need more clients" thoughts.
SO ... what do I experience? No money. Need more clients. (of course)

Now I'm playing with my thoughts. I'm messing with my ego ...
Every thought of lack from above - I remind myself to shift it/turn it around. Mantras baby! (Mantras are mantras ... me telling myself I am abundantly provided for is basically the same as me telling myself I need, I lack and it's not my fault ... but with HUGELY different results!)

Now, that isn't enough. I also finally realize that sticking to a budget is just as empowering and energetically power-full as taking full responsibility for all-else in ones life. I've stopped telling myself my "story" around why I shouldn't have to budget.
I'm on a cash-only basis right now. I've thought of doing it so many times (but ego got in the way). Now ... I'm doing it and it makes sense in ways I cannot put into words except to say that I'm truly honoring me in this process.

Finally, just like lovely life that I'd be looking at the website of a former teacher and come across one of his blogs on the topic of money (even though written in 2007) Brilliant! (included below should you care to read it) By the way, Peter Hughes conducts GREAT workshops at the Metaphysical Research Society in Denver!

Life, The Universe, God has a way of instantly, continuously and endlessly supporting us (no matter our "story!")

BIG LOVE!!

Staying in touch with cash flow
Posted by Peter Hughes on Thursday May 31, 2007


Recently I had a significant healing shift in my relationship with finances, money and spending. I transitioned from relating to money as something that moved out as quickly as it came in, to an understanding that money is a creative energy which, when honored and used with conscious intent, can be a magical and powerful tool.

In our home we have regular finance pow-wows where we schedule a time to meet with the intention to have a creative budget planning session. In the past these pow-wows usually turned into battlefields to work through our old stories and relationships around money. My old story was that money equals death and needs to move on as fast as possible. A zero balance in the check book was not only easy to balance but in my mind guaranteed a longer life. (That's a whole other story for another time.)

Each time we had set good intentions to stay within a budget we'd find, at the end of the month, we had spent more than we had generated for that month. There was no mystery, we just didn't honor our budget.

Several months ago, while revisiting our budget I was instructed by spirit not to resist honoring the budget we had agreed to implement. Where in the past my ego would go through a whole monologue about not wanting to be controlled, limited, blah, blah, blah, this time my ego was silent. Again, spirit said, "Do not resist." I felt there was something else in this for me other than implementing a budget, something bigger that I could not see, yet.

This particular month we created that we would only use cash for our household, grocery and discretionary spending. (We had recently replaced "allowance" with "discretionary spending" because we were relating to an allowance as a restriction, a punishment of sorts. Discretionary spending had a different sound, feel and vibration, much higher in fact.) We also made a connection about the use of cash and the absence of actually touching our money as it came to, through and from us. In these times of debit and credit cards the handling of cash is not nearly as much a part of our daily life as it used to be. We realized that by using our debit cards instead of cash we had become disconnected from cash flow in our lives. Understanding that money is energy, we saw how we had become removed from the energetic flow of cash. We had in fact become absent from a direct connection with the very thing we desired more of. Understanding that the definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results, we found we were more than willing to try something different.

The month began with enough cash on hand to support our household, groceries and discretionary spending for the first two weeks of the month. Midmonth we would withdraw the second half of the budgeted fund to support us for the remainder of the month. At month-end, if we had stayed in integrity, receipts and any remaining cash would total the allotted funds.

Much to our delight (and very much to my surprise) we found we were not only under budget for the month, but we were $700.00 under budget. We had actually spent less than we had budgeted. All this without feeling deprived or controlled.

To anyone with any financial training (my partner is a financial planner as profession) this result comes as no surprise. You spend less than you make (or as I put it, make more than you spend. It's less limiting and holds a higher vibration.) That's just common sense, no mystery. We'll it doesn't end here. I was reminded of what spirit had whispered in my ear a month earlier, "Do not resist, there is something here for you much bigger than you can see at this time."

I remembered during the second week of our new budget implementing practice, I had purchased some lunch while running errands. As I handed my discretionary spending cash to the cashier, I was stopped mid transaction by a very strong sense of absence. I took a breath and realized that for the first time in my life, consciously, I was experiencing no uneasiness or shame around money, and more specifically around making a purchase for myself. This was a defining moment for me and spirit made sure I took the time to connect with it and acknowledge the shift. This was the "something bigger" that spirit was talking about.

So, the second month of our new relationship with finances started out with a confidence and enthusiasm which I had never experienced before in regards to money. I was actually looking forward to seeing what surprises we would create this month. And then it hit, a string of breakthroughs that left us stunned. We had a series of Mondays like nothing I've ever experienced. The first Monday my partner received a 30% bonus payment from his employer. What a nice boost that was. The following Monday he received, from the same employer, a 30% raise in salary. How exciting is that? The next Monday we received word from our home insurance company that it was going cover the cost of replacing the roof on our home, a $14,000 home improvement project. Okay, didn't see that one coming. And, if that wasn't enough, the following Monday I received a check in the mail made out to me in the amount of $5,000, a gift. We now refer to that day of the week as "Cash Flow Monday."

Getting in touch with our cash certainly has paid off.

Speaking of which, we just paid off our credit cards and are going out to dinner to celebrate. We'll be paying with cash, of course.

Oct. 25 - True-to-Me Nutritional Tips

In my experience, both with my own health and that of my clients over eleven years of training, I find that I come back to TWO main points when it comes to optimal nutrition, feeling good, and maintaining a healthy weight.

Just TWO things.

1. Eat More REAL, NATURAL (perhaps organic) Foods.
(non-boxed. non-canned. non-highly-processed. non-GMO. How can you tell ... if the ingredient list is LONG and impossible to read because it looks like a scientific equation ... perhaps you leave it on the shelf)
Veggies, Fruits, WHOLE grains, natural meats! (Think RAINBOW when eating those veggies and fruits) Natural butter. Natural sugar/sweeteners. Natural/Quality Oils ... Olive, Grape seed, Coconut. It's confusing out there ... all the mixed messages! When feeling overwhelmed, just choose NATURAL foods. Our bodies are made to thrive on it. All the artificial *stuff* ... our bodies can't quite process it effectively and efficiently. (working toward improving your food choices ... please KNOW that the first two weeks are the most challenging. You're re-training your palate. Your body really does crave what you give it. SO, be diligent in the beginning! It will get easier. Soon, your body will be craving the healthier foods that used to feel like a challenge)

2. STRESS NOT / ENJOY WHAT YOU EAT.
(ah, this one is oh-so-much easier said than done) I will say this, then leave it up to you to find your less-stress zone. The more consistently you eat to lift, thrive, feel good (i.e. like #1 above), the less you'll over think every little thing you're eating. You'll eat to nourish and enjoy. You won't worry about the treats, indulgences, the parties, the BBQs, the desserts, or the highly processed foods. You won't worry or stress about most of it, BECAUSE you will more consistently choose great-for-you-and-your-body-and-mind foods. (I ask you ... if you are going to beat yourself up over eating a certain thing ... why are you eating it?)
[A personal note: a whole-food supplement I take (Juice Plus+) truly helps me to 'stress not!' Feel free to contact me about it should you be interested]

And ... though I only mention these two key points, watch for future posts on the topic of nutrition and FEELING GOOD.

To Our Good Health!

Oct. 21 - Shifting Perspective

If you read my last entry, you know I'm working toward better managing my thoughts. The first key step being AWARENESS, in order to then decide to shift the thinking!

So, I find myself contemplating the concept of PERSPECTIVE. Contemplating the concept of "changing my story." And, it reminded me of a 'blog-type' entry I wrote over a year ago.

I'll get right to it .....

(From May '09)
Perhaps you could indulge me as I write a bit from my life, a bit about what came to mind for me after my day:

After spending an 11.5 hour day with my lovely and oh-so-rambunctious 16-month-old little girl (I'm mainly a stay-at-home mama these days) ...
After having a good ol' chat with a great friend about the challenges and truly rewarding aspects of close relationships ...
After stepping outside to indulge in a sometimes weekly (sometimes monthly .. no matter) vice of having a cigarette on a beautiful. mild, summer-like night ...

I look up at the sky.
The first thing I see is the Big Dipper constellation.

I ask myself for what seems like the hundredth time .. how is it that I always see the Big Dipper first? And often, it's the only constellation I see.

The first thought was this ... it is what I know (not knowing much else about constellations in the sky)

The second thought(s) went something like this:
What do we CHOOSE to see? What do we allow ourselves to notice and/or focus upon?
You see, in the midst of a city environment, where the neighbor's bright and buzzing street-like lamp shines bright each evening (a source of angst at times), and after my conversation with my friend, and after my day with my daughter, I was again struck by how we see what we want to see. We see what we may be accustomed to seeing.
That is to say when we're not seeing with as much AWARENESS as we are certainly capable.

And so tonight, the Big Dipper, while familiar to me, served to shift my focus.

In the midst of this city environment, where my focus might sometimes be on that buzzing light, or on a 'challenging' day spent solely in the company of a 16-month-old (as amazing as she is, and as wonderful a TEACHER that she is) ... I can still look up and see stars. STARS! Even if not as bright as other times ... it brought a shift in focus indeed.

The wonder. The beauty. The immense-ness of this life.
And then there is US.
Our often obsessive thought a blip in the grand scheme of the AWEsomeness of the "big picture." And in the same breath ... how power-FULL and bright each of us IS in this grand scheme.
Really! How very much power each of us has in how we view and perceive our day to day.
How very much each of us creates.
How very much each of us affects 'the other."
How very much each of us ... when tapped into our hearts ... is tapped into the WHOLE.

Ah, it may seem cryptic. Though I don't think I could attempt to clarify without a good ol' face-to-face chat.
Regardless, my heart is warm as I put this into words that can't possibly due justice.

Suffice it to say ... I'm glad for the Big Dipper.
I'm glad for my family and friends.
I'm glad for the challenges (relationship, parenting, career, health, greater mindfulness .. to name a few that may resonate) that life brings, albeit most are made more so by our lovely and oh-so-overactive brains .
I'm glad we're all here together; Doing the best each of us can, and hopefully, at times, reminding ourselves that it is ONLY US that can choose where we want to put our focus and energy.

LOVE.
Julie
http://www.papillonlife.com/

**********************************************************************************
Though I dig all of this little blurb that pretty effortlessly poured onto the page ... it's the last line that I'd like to focus on today.

IT IS ONLY US THAT CAN CHOOSE WHERE WE WANT TO PUT OUR FOCUS AND ENERGY.

Yeah!!!
And, how beautifully power-FULL that really is ... because as pondered last week, our focus determines our experience.

And given this ... Don't you think some good ol' diligent "work" and discipline is warranted?! (to first be aware of our thoughts/story ... and then, to work toward positively shifting our thoughts/story to bring about a more Perfect-for-Us experience?)

I'm going to answer not just with a YES, but a Hell-Yes!

A few ideas re: the work/discipline for Awareness:
*Journal
*Quiet Time
*Book and pen next to your bed for those late night musings (or late night obsessions)
*A BOAT-load of compassion, self-care, non-judgement!
*Ease Up / LAUGH

A few ideas re: the work/discipline for Affecting Positive Shift:
*Write out your NEW ("perfect") story
*Vision Board / Mind-Mapping
*Mantras, Mantras, Mantras - turn every "old/no-longer-useful" thought into your NEW THOUGHT
*A BOAT-load of compassion, self-care, non-judgement!
*Ease Up / LAUGH

OK ... Enough Already! wink and smile.
GREAT THINGS ARE ON THE HORIZON!!!

LOVE and SMILES.

Oct. 15 - What's Your Story?

Ah, the stories we tell ourselves!

By "story," I am referring to that which you tell yourself (about anything in your life).
The more-often-than-not unconscious narrative that powerfully determines what you experience in your day-to-day.
The story that you unconsciously use to continually validate the story itself. Funny how cyclical it is. Ah, our truly brilliant, highly functional unconscious minds! (wink)

We all have aspects of our life (relationships, money, career, family, general state-of-being, etc.) in which "our story" is wreaking havoc. But interestingly and perfectly, our story is always playing out exactly as we wish, exactly as we see it. It's our "work" to determine what story we're telling ourselves ... and what experience is thus playing out.
(there's no judgement on whether the narrative is "positive" or "negative" It is what it is. And, it plays out accordingly.)

So, yesterday ... the observer in me caught myself in one of my recurring stories. A story that I've perfected and strengthened when I became a wife and mother. The later giving it lots of extra fuel!

The cool thing is that I've been chipping away at it for some time ... using nothing more than awareness. (beautiful awareness!) And, yesterday felt as if my awareness reached a sort of 'critical mass,' if you will. The light is shining so bright that I SEE. Definitely an "Oooooh, that's what I'm doing" moment! And, an "Oooooh, I do have the "power" realization.

I began my day saying to myself "See! ... this is exactly what I've been talking about ... how am I supposed to ________________ (fill in the blank)"

It was but a second or two after the above self-talk that I stopped in my "mind-tracks" and had my "Ooooooh" moment(s).

I LOVE these types of moments!
When you can detach from your ego a bit ... these moments allow you to SEE and OWN how your life is playing out. AND, perhaps even more beautiful is that these moments open your eyes to your true limitless potential. I SEE myself. And, I AM A-OKAY. And, I CAN determine and create my experience. (I already do NOW!)

So, what was my story?
A healthy narrative of "see how many things get in the way of my creating a successful career, for the love!" (blame, blame, blame, blame, blame)

Hmmmm ... time to re-write (re-wire) my narrative!!

When I caught myself in my story ... I quickly realized how great I do have it. And, I quickly realized that I can change aspects of my story to create the Perfectly-Me narrative/experience. A kick-ass combo of all the roles I play and love in this life of mine!

What's my NEW story?
*I'm grateful for my abundant life ... as wife, mother, friend, trainer and coach, etc.
*I am good at these roles. And, when owning it and being fully present to them ... I am GREAT at them. (me at my best!)
*I am successfully creating the work-life balance that is Perfectly-Me.
*I am healthful and weathful TODAY. (I really am! Because as eluded to above .... when I woke up to THE MOMENT ... I realize that I AM OKAY RIGHT NOW! And I realize the limitless power of MY STORY ... because I get to tweak and perfect and create and love along the way)

My "Work" ... daily check-in and 'recalibration' of my narrative! ACTING on it! OPENING up to whatever comes! (and all over again and again ...)

I'm off to marinate in my "Am-ness"
And, to re-create MY STORY. SMILES!

What's Your Story?